Death in the arms of your love
by ruin princess
Summary: I lost the only person that I want to be for the rest of my life. The only person whom I see being with me until I grow old and gray. The person that I truly learned to love.


**Death in the arms of your love**

The undying emotional pain. The lost of someone you tried to protect and keep. The unsaid words that didn't come out from my mouth.

The regrets.

If I only knew that things would happen, I should have said those words that she wanted to hear.

'I love you.'

Everything was shattered. The love of my life that I cared and cherished so much died in my arms the very same day I asked her to be my lifetime partner. The pain still lingers even though it's been three years already. Today marks the third year of her death. The death of my fiancée, Mikan. The death that I forcefully blame myself into. I couldn't help but look back. As nighttime falls everyday, all I can do is to waft into my own thoughts and reminisce into my bloody and unforgettable past. I was in my room, sitting quietly near the large window, reading, feeling the warm summer air that's been playing with my messy black hair. I didn't realize that it was making me feel soporific. Minutes after my sight darkened, I fell asleep.

_I was eating with my fiancée Mikan in a famous restaurant. Later on, I decided to propose to her since we've been going out for over five years now. I knelt down in front of her, she whispered something, "Natsume, you're embarrassing me, stand up," she was blushing madly, 'cause I think she knows what I am going to do._

_I remember everything as if it was yesterday._

_"Mih-Mi-kan, will you be my fiancée?" I was stammering while I was doing that. I saw her smiling, from that moment on; I already knew what her answer is going to be._

_"Natsume," I was staring at her lovely features, her pale smooth milky skin, and her shiny brunette pony-tailed hair. Even though she was crying, she looks very cute, very angelic. Her coffee hue eyes are starting to turn red and are still releasing those big, fat, hot tears._

_"I-I'll be glad to!" I was so happy after hearing her answer. I gently slid the plain silver ring into her finger and stood up after that. She was still sitting down. She stood up too then hugs me. "It was so fast! You surprise me!" I heard that the people inside the restaurant were all looking at us. "Awe, that was sweet." Someone said. "He's so sweet!" another one complimented. I signaled her to sit down, and continue eating. Half an hour after, we both finished finish our own meals, we paid at the counter and went home. I was driving with her by my side, I was about to turn left, but as I step into the brake to lower the speed, it didn't even budge._

_"Mikan, I'll always love you." I said in a sweet tone._

_"I'll always love you, Natsume." I heard her reply._

_"Mikan"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Whatever happens, always remember that I'll always love you,"_

_"I love you too Natsume,"_

_I turned left, and hoping that the brakes will regain its use but there's no use. The truck was coming its way to us, I steered it to the left, but it didn't move. Our car was hit by the truck, the car turned upside down. The exterior part of the car was severely smashed. The front big glass had a lot of cracks, too. The passenger door was smashed, Mikan's window was half cracked and open. I immediately checked Mikan whose hand, before getting hit by the truck was still intertwined with mine. She was unconscious, but I can still see her chest moving so I presumed that she still must be alive. Getting her out was challenging for me since I have a deep cut on my leg too. Her fragile, petite body was bleeding badly. Her right hand that I was only kissing a while ago during the proposal was completely soaked with blood. The silver ring was nowhere to be seen, completely devoured by the oozing blood from her deep fresh wound on her shoulder. Her temple was bleeding as I inclined her head. I felt something weird then I heard her saying some more unusual stuff._

_"Natsume, I'll always love you, find a girl which will make you happy." I heard her saying that while I was busy getting help. She had that weak smile on her face. One of those kinds of smile that you'll see on TV when the main character's lover is about to die._

_"Mikan? MIKAN?" I felt something weird inside me while I was trying to make her stay awake. That feeling that as if she's going be leaving me and that she'll never come back and that scared me. I hugged her tight despite that nerve wracking pain that I was experiencing on my cuts. When I looked down on her, she was smiling weakly at me again while trying to caress my cheeks, trying to make me feel calm._

"_Don't leave me!" I cried and begged lowly. She weakly grabbed my blood stained necktie so that her lips can meet mine. It tasted like rust, like blood. She smiled at me once more then her coffee hue eyes started turning pale and black, she was caressing my bleeding cheeks, as if telling me that everything will be fine even without her in my life. From that moment on, I already knew it. I already knew that here it is. She's going to leave me, but to relax myself I decided to put the feeling away because I know she's a strong girl and she can survive this accident with me, but as I saw her hand falling slowly it struck me, maybe she really was going to leave me. I saw her again, her angelic face that was smiling before is now covered with more blood, her senses that's as sharp as mine was starting be dull, and lastly her hand that was caressing my cheeks to tell me to stop fell._

_One..._

_Two..._

_Three. Minutes after, I lost her._

_I lost the only person that I want to be for the rest of my life. The only person whom I see being with me until I grow old and gray. The person that I truly learned to love._

_"MIKAN!" I shouted as I carry her dead body bridal style._

I was sweating heavily as I sit upright, still in a daze after waking up from that same, almost typical dream. I called for her for as if at any given moment she's going to show up, smiling cherry as always like she always does. "Mikan.." I whispered her name under my rough breathing. "Will I be able to move on?" I stared at the burgundy colored frame that was sitting on top of my bedside table. There, it holds our last picture together before that accident happened -the one that she insisted on taking to commemorate our fifth anniversary- I stared at it for a while then smiled. I looked at the picture. I then found myself looking at her again. Her cheery smile that goes from ear to ear. That star like twinkle found in her abnormally huge coffee hue eyes. Her silky, shoulder length layer hair. Everything. I kissed the picture then started mumbling words. I brought back the frame from the table, this time face down. I calmly stood up in order to get myself ready since I'm planning to visit Mikan's grave today. Even though it's been three years already, everything was still fresh. Everything including my undying love and loyalty for her. I couldn't see myself falling for someone new again because I'm scared to get hurt this time again. So afraid of losing someone who is very important to me. I couldn't afford that kind of pain again.

Never again.

After getting myself ready, I left my condominium alone. I drove off to the flower shop to order her favorite blue roses then continued driving my shiny black car to the cemetery. I stopped in front of a gigantic, shady Cherry Blossom Tree that's hovering a medium sized marble tombstone that has an elegantly cursive of her whole name, "_Mikan Sakura" _I opened my door's window allowing some air to get in the car so that it won't be too warm when I get back. I got off, leaned against my car then slowly took off my black shades. I then lay eyes on a girl standing in front of Mikan's gravestone.

My eyes widened when it hit me that the girl looks exactly like Mikan from the back. I hurriedly walked going into her place in order to see her face to face, her name ringing inside my head. "Mikan. Mikan. MIKAN." I was in shock when the girl faced me after I grabbed her slowly from the shoulder. Her long brunette hair covered her face for a short while, her voice, body structure and even her face was almost identical to hers. Especially that same ear to ear beaming smile. I called her a couple of times, as I stood there, completely shocked, but she never answered me back.

"MIKAN?" she gave me a weird facial expression. Almost as if it was her first time seeing me. I was fighting with myself that this girl in front of me was definitely HER, but my other self was winning.

"Excuse me?" her phrase broke my heart. I tried hard not to show my growing anxiety and self hatred for assuming things, but I failed.

"Oh. I'm Sorry I thought you're someone else." It seems like she saw through my disappointment. So instead of saying anything else, she just gave me that smile again. I tried getting my composure back, but I was unsuccessful. The girl in front of me that looked so much a lot like her that I felt comfortable with her.

So coolly, I put back my black shades again, in order to hide my growing disappointment and frustration, I knelt down to put the blue roses down, prayed a little and then left without saying a word to her. I can feel her piercing stare behind my back ,but I didn't say anything else. I continued walking away from her grave with that deep heart piercing disappointment.

Before I went inside my car, I looked at the scenery one more time. She was still standing, her long hair still playing with the blowing summer air. She gave me a smile and I saw her bowing her head a little to show respect. I did the same and with that I left. Little did I know was that all my self blaming that I have been doing the past three years was for nothing because the girl that I bumped into today was the girl that I thought was dead for more than three years already.

…

"Natsume." Mikan whispered lowly as she eyes the slowly departing car.

…

_If I only knew that this supposed to be special night between Natsume and I would turn into disaster, I should have forced my sickly fragile body to go out with him that night._

_Instead, I asked my twin sister, Chikako to go for me since I'll feel bad if I'll cancel our date the last minute. Without further a do, she wore the clothes that I prepared, I also did her make up and hair and in the end, she looked exactly like me. Chikako's my identical twin that Natsume doesn't know off since she's been staying overseas practically her whole life._

_She just came back over a year ago and since Natsume rarely goes to my house since my parents are always out, he never got the chance to meet my twin sister. The loud buzzing sound of the doorbell roared inside the spacious, almost empty house of ours, I quickly told Chikako to go down already since Natsume hates waiting and she did._

_I remember her telling me that she was nervous about everything. That she might mess up and he'll figure that she's not me, but I gave her a kiss on the cheek, then smiled while saying "You'll be fine. You're like my other half, He won't notice. I promise." She smiled at me back then hugged me one last time before going down from the long, bronze colored stairs._

_Everything was perfect so far since I was observing them from the master's bedroom which is located diagonally on the entrance from below._

_I saw her staring at me as Natsume kisses her cheeks. I just gave her a smile then a short wave._

_After that they left. I was alone after that._

_I was planning to take a nap or just wait until she goes back, but then my phone rang after a couple of hours. It was my sister calling me._

"_Hello?" there it goes again, my carefree attitude._

"_Sister! He proposed to me. NO! I mean to YOU!" Her voice was full of nervousness and euphoria. I can simply tell._

"_And?" she was quiet for some seconds, letting me only hear her rough uneven breathing._

"_Of course I accepted it! I know you want to too. Everyone was cheering and saying their congratulations to me. I was so shy that I couldn't even thank them properly…they were also telling me how we look good together and.." I cut her off half way since I don't want her to spoil everything to me over the phone._

"_Oh. Yeah. Sorry. " there it goes, her laugh that resembles my laugh._

"_So yeah, We'll be back around 11:00pm." I stared at the clock after that, "10:20 pm" it says._

"_Okay. Tell me everything when you get back. I want to hear everything. I'm SO excited." I coughed lowly._

_I heard her asking if I was okay then I just shrugged her off by saying "Yeah Yeah. Whatever." She didn't say anything. So instead of making the conversation longer, I said "Okay. I'll talk to you later sis! Take Care. I love you."_

_I was waiting and waiting and waiting, It was already 11:30pm. I was worried so I tried calling her phone, but no one was answering. So I turned on the TV to kill some more time while waiting for my older sister, but the news that welcomed me when I was relaxingly waiting for her changed my life forever._

"**NEWS FLASH:** ACCIDENT AT MANILA INTERSECTION WHERE IN A COUPLE WAS FOUND HURT AND ALMOST DEAD. THE GUY, IDENTIFIED AS NATSUMA HYUGGA WAS BADLY INJURED, WHILE THE FEMALE PASSENGER,MIKAN SAKURA WAS DEAD ON ARRIVAL WHEN WAS BROUGHT TO THE SAID CAUSE OF THE ACCIDENT WAS WHEN THEIR CAR LOST ITS BREAKS MAKING THE SAID CAR FLIP…"

_After hearing the news, my heart sunk. I couldn't believe it. Chikako. My sister. My older beloved twin sister that I loved so much died because of my own stupid favor. Everything went silent around me. I wasn't able to concentrate on the news' information. I blamed myself. That time I want to die too so that we can call it quits, but then I realized that the only way to bring the favor back was to live in her honor. _

_So at that very same night, the night of my sister, Chikako Sakura' s death. I decided to be her, to be Chikako Sakura. There was no more Mikan Sakura. _

**She was dead. **


End file.
